Why Forgiveness Isn’t for Them—It’s for the Pattern in You
by Rachelle Moyer
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How Releasing Resentment Unlocks Energy, Ends Loops and Restores Inner Coherence
Forgiveness is one of the most misunderstood forces in personal and spiritual evolution. Too often, it’s seen as a moral requirement or an act of generosity extended to those who wronged us. But real forgiveness has little to do with absolving others. Its true power lies in liberating you from the frequency of the past.
This deep dive unpacks why forgiveness is not about letting someone off the hook—it’s about unhooking yourself. Through the lenses of neuroscience, energetic healing, and soul patterning, we explore how unprocessed resentment binds you to old identities and how forgiveness interrupts the karmic loop not as performance, but as alchemy.
What Forgiveness Is Not
Forgiveness does not mean condoning harm. It doesn’t require forgetting what happened, allowing someone back into your life, or pretending it didn’t hurt. Contrary to common belief, forgiveness is not reconciliation.
As Desmond Tutu wrote, "Forgiveness says you are given another chance to make a new beginning. It does not say you are excused."
Forgiveness is not weakness. It is energetic sovereignty. It is the conscious decision to reclaim your field from the grip of past events, freeing up psychic bandwidth and biological energy that has been locked in defense.
The Neuroscience of Holding On
When we hold resentment, our bodies don’t just remember the story—they re-live the stress. The amygdala and nervous system remain activated, repeating the emotional signature of the original injury.
This means every time you "replay the tape," your body produces the same chemical response: cortisol, inflammation, constriction. Over time, this energetic looping wires your identity around a wound.
As Dr. Joe Dispenza notes, "To change is to stop being the same. You must think greater than the circumstances of your life, to become someone new."
Until forgiveness happens, you remain neurologically and energetically tethered to the past. And no healing modality is going to fully land while the grudge is still alive in your field.
Forgiveness as Frequency Disruption
From an energetic perspective, unhealed resentment is a vibrational anchor. It keeps you attuned to the identity of the wounded one, the betrayed one, the angry one - playing the role of the victim.
True forgiveness isn’t a one-time act. It’s a repeated recalibration back to neutrality—not indifference, but non-attachment. It is what releases you from being the character in the story and allows you to become the observer of the pattern.
Forgiveness doesn’t change the past. It changes your relationship to it.
It unbinds the emotional charge. And in doing so, it signals to your field: I no longer choose this loop for protection or identity.
Karma, Repetition and the Loop
Energetically, unforgiveness is a loop. And loops become lifetimes. The refusal to release a grievance creates entanglement—not just with the person, but with the pattern they represent.
This is how trauma becomes karma: when the pain is not metabolized, it begins to magnetize repeated experiences that match its frequency.
As spiritual teacher Michael Beckwith says, "Pain pushes until vision pulls."
Forgiveness initiates the shift. It is the point at which pain no longer defines your perspective. It marks the completion of the vibrational cycle.
When you forgive, you don’t excuse the behavior. You end your contract with it.
How to Know You've Forgiven
You may not feel bliss. You may not feel closure. What you will feel is space.
The thought arises, and there is no longer a charge.
You speak about it, and your breath stays steady. Your heart, calm.
Or maybe, you stop talking about it altogether.
You meet a similar energy, and you choose differently.
You no longer seek validation, revenge, or resolution from the outside.
You feel free not because the story changed, but because you are no longer in neediness for the story to.
This is the energetic intelligence of true forgiveness: it restores you to the present.
Integration: From Concept to Coherence
Forgiveness is not an idea. It’s an integration. It lives in the nervous system, the breath, the body. That’s why it can’t be rushed or forced—but it can be invited.
Start by naming the pattern, not just the person. Ask: “What part of me was activated? What identity did this moment reinforce? What contract am I ready to release?”
You can speak forgiveness as a ritual:
"I release the energetic bond between me and this pattern. I reclaim the part of me that believed I had to hold this. I forgive not to free them, but to remember who I am without this weight."
Practice softening when the memory arises. Breathe. Feel it move. You are not erasing the past—you are reauthoring your role within it.
State of Forgiveness
Forgiveness is not necessarily an action as much as it is an energetic state of being. It’s that place you find yourself in when you have dropped the propensity towards blame, while finding meaning and an understanding as to why you went through the experience that has caused you to be wronged by another.
The state of forgiveness sees the perfection in difficult and traumatic experiences. It accepts the level of compassion and sense of purpose that comes from withstanding difficult and even horrifying situations. As you let go and move forward, you metabolize the charge and reclaim the energy that belongs to your becoming.
Sometimes we’re not ready to be in the state of forgiveness, and that is perfect too. Many “states of being” must come into play before we can find ourselves there. Hate, Anger, Sadness and especially a sense of Pride- that this will never happen to you again is an imperative part of the journey to healing.
Many religions demand that you “forgive,” without addressing other’s behavior or your own emotions, and this is a trap into the feedback loop of victim-perpetrator. As much as it would be nice to declare that all is forgiven and forgotten, it’s not realistic to pretend everything is okay when the younger version of yourself has not yet been considered and cared for.
Final Transmission
Forgiveness is not a reward for the other. It is a return to coherence within the self. It ends the reenactment. It interrupts the narrative. It severs the energetic cord to identities that no longer reflect your truth.
I’m not sure who came up with the saying:
“Not forgiving is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.”
I would say that this realization was key in the letting go of painful victim stories that were consuming me. Ultimately, I can have my painful victim story or I can have peace, but I can’t have both. And when I’m ready, I will get there.
Suggested Resources
Breaking the Habit of Being Yourself by Dr. Joe Dispenza
Radical Forgiveness by Colin Tipping
The Body Keeps the Score by Bessel van der Kolk
Loving What Is by Byron Katie
YouTube: Heal Your Past & Reclaim Your Power - Sleep Hypnosis | Black Screen
